Just another Tuesday night

I had a surprise dinner date last night with one of my favorite people in the whole world. He's good-looking, funny, smart, engaging, has my eyes and his father's chin. Jack Jack has always been just about the coolest human being on the planet since (and maybe because) I gave birth to him.

Before Sam was born, Jack had us all to himself for about 5 years. When I became pregnant with Sammy, we worried that Jack would feel replaced and that he would resent his brother, and eventually us. We instituted regular "Mom and Jack" and "Dad and Jack" days, when Jack could choose an activity and at least twice a month, he got one-on-one time with one of us. Because Jack and I are the football fans in the family, during football season, we would usually have our M&J dates at a sports bar, eating wings and drinking beer or soda. (Feel free to use that blurb in my Parent of the Year nomination.)

But in the past year, as we've battled with carving out time for work, home responsibilities, sports, and Sam's appointments, these Jack dates have become fewer and fewer. My firstborn will be a teenager this year (cue tears) and I'm already finding few opportunities to get to spend time with him. So even though last night was a school night, Jack finished his homework early so that he and I could enjoy a cozy dinner of wings.

We talked about a lot of things - school, friends, home, his brother. Although I know that he's a pretty spectacular person, and although I know he's getting older and more mature, he still managed to surprise me. Among the things I learned:

• One of his best friends has a "crush" and that it's not official yet, but that EVERYONE knows what's going on.
• He's worried about what being a seventh-grader is going to look like, but he's excited to go to Jr. High next year.
• Sam is kind of a like a demi-god, because according to the Percy Jackson books, all demi-gods have ADHD.
• He had a girlfriend last year, but he didn't know about it until they broke up. (I laughed my ass off at that.)
• He feels sorry for his brother sometimes because of how hard he has it, but he thinks Sam is a cool kid, and he loves his brother something fierce.

We talked about that last item for a while. I asked Jack what he thought life with ADHD was like for Sam. His response was incredibly empathetic and insightful: I think he gets frustrated because he can't concentrate and sit still like other kids can and it makes him sad because it makes him feel different and not in a good way. Things that are simple for other people are hard for Sam because of his ADHD and it's probably scary for him. My 12-year old son showed more understanding and compassion for his brother's challenges than most adults do.

He told me that he gets upset when he finds out people have been picking on Sam when Jack's not around. He knows Sam is not an easy-going kid, but Jack firmly believes his job is to be the best brother he can be to Jack, and to have his back. In this regard, Jack reminds me of our late Golden Retriever. Cooper was a beautiful, gentle, loving, sweet dog, but God help you if you messed with his people.Jack also talked about how much he's liked going to Kris, Sam's therapist, and sitting in on those sessions. He thinks what we're learning there has been helping the whole family. He says that as a family, we don't get angry as quickly (probably), we talk more (definitely) and yell less (up for debate). He sees that Kris has helped him to manage his tantrums, and has also noticed that the medication seems to help him rein in his impulsivity. He still thinks his brother is a handful and hard to keep up with, but he said he couldn't imagine our family without him.

And then the topic turned to some hockey fight on TV and Jack's school play, and he was back to appropriate 12-year old boy talk. But I woke up this morning still feeling warm and fuzzy over our quality time last night. About how he opened up and chatted with me about this stuff the way I open up and chat with my friends. And about how it wasn't an effort - we just TALKED. On a random Tuesday night. Over wings.