Jack has always been scattered, absentminded, and disorganized, but it was considered more of a family joke until this school year when his grades took a dump. This year, much more so than in years past, has been a constant stream of tears, fighting, incomplete homework assignments, more tears, bad grades, teacher conferences, and to top it all off - more tears. We were especially concerned because he goes to Jr. High next year, and the chaos that we've been going through this year will seem like a guided pony ride if we don't get things under control.
However, throughout all this, we believed the issue with Jack was behavioral. Even after going through everything we went through with Sam (and in fact, probably BECAUSE of it), we didn't really believe that Jack had ADHD. But we had made an appointment for late next month with Sam's doctor in order for Jack to be assessed for ADHD or other learning disabilities. I was certain this appointment was going to rule out any type of disability, but that it would provide at least some sort of answer as to how to address Jack's issues.
I got a phone call today at 10 am letting me know about a cancellation at the doctor's office, and that they could see Jack at 1 pm this afternoon. The doctor's office is about 40 minutes away to the north, and Jack's school is about 20 minutes away to the south. I had none of the preliminary paperwork completed, and neither did his teacher, since we expected the appointment to take place in about 4 weeks. I had 3 hours to complete the paperwork, ask his teacher to complete hers, leave work, drive to the school, pick him up, and get him to the appointment on time. I literally walked in the door to his appointment at 1 pm on the dot.
Sam's (and now, Jack's) doctor met with us and did the same thorough evaluation of Jack that she did of Sam. She talked more with Jack about his experiences than she did with Sam, and he was extremely forthright and honest and got emotional when talking about how hard school has become for him, even though he knows he's smart.
And then she showed us his assessment results, and despite everything we've been through, everything I had heard, you still could have knocked me over with a feather when she said:
Jack has ADHD.
There's no good reason for me to be surprised by this news. Jack's brother is ADHD, as are my sister and Matt's brother. There's a genetic component and Jack's behavior is and was clearly indicative of it. Of the family history, Sam is the only one with the hyperactive/impulsive type. The rest are inattentive type.
Part of me is looking out the window of my vacation home on the River Denial, part of me is pissed off that I need to go learn all about inattentive-type ADHD now (because dammit, I studied the shit out of hyperactive/impulsive-type. Whatever parenting test that was, I aced it!), and part of me feels like shit that I've been dragging my feet on this because I was SOOOO sure the answer was that Jack was "just" a gifted child, acting out and we needed some behavioral therapies, and that was it.
Jack's giftedness did mask some of his ADHD traits, but what his gifted abilities couldn't make up for was his brain's inability to sort through information, process and organize it, then do something with it. But because our experience with ADHD up until now was with Sam, and Sam is SO different than Jack, we didn't see it.
Jack is over the moon with this diagnosis. It's sort of his "I told you so!", and he deserves one. We've been on his case for many years about school work, and his cries of "I'm trying!!" always sounded like excuses. Now, he has a medical diagnosis that says he WAS trying but trying wasn't enough to change his brain chemistry. I'll beat myself up over that tonight over a glass or three of wine.
We've decided, with Jack's input, and with the doctor's blessing, to start Jack on a course of meds as well. His will be different than his brother's (based on his age, his symptoms, and other medical history), but we'll be just as diligent about watching for any side effects. I'm actually more nervous about putting Jack on medication than I was with Sam, but I do believe it's the right thing to do.
It's crazy how much things have changed in the last 4 hours, and how much they're exactly the same. I don't see our day to day life changing much because of this, but like it did with Sam's diagnosis, maybe it will just become an improved version of the same ol', same ol'. At least, that's what I hope for.
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