Why I don't do PC

I got a feeling about political correctness. I hate it. It causes us to lie silently instead of saying what we think. - Hal Holbrook


In the not-so-distant past, I've fallen into the trap of not wanting to offend anyone by something I've said or done. How does that end up? Not so well. I usually end up inadvertently insulting twice as many people as I had initially hoped to please, and the one person I had hoped not to offend, never cared in the first place.

Being politically correct is exhausting, so I don't bust my ass at it anymore. I'm not saying I walk around like an ignorant Neanderthal (which, thanks to Geico commercials is now a politically incorrect thing to say). It just means I'm not going to go out of my way to say something that someone's mom's neighbor's brother's dogsitter won't find offensive. For example - I'm part Asian (that is, I'm a quarter Korean and some fraction of Chinese) and part Hawaiian. I don't particularly care if you call me Asian, Asian-Pacific Islander, Oriental (although that's more of a pet peeve), or hey you - as long as you're not using it a hurtful or disrespectful manner. I recognize Columbus Day, root for the Redskins, and have sons who have been known to point at an imaginary bad guy with their index fingers pointing out and thumbs sticking upward.

So when I refer to Sam and ADHD/ODD, I don't really take extra care to make sure I use the "right" phrase. And I'll let you off the hook - I don't care if you do or don't either, as long as you're not being mean or careless about it. Sometimes I'll say Sam has ADHD/ODD. Sometimes I'll say he is ADHD/ODD. Sometimes I'll refer to my ADHD/ODD son - I'm not using it as THE descriptor for my child, just one of many. I will equally refer to my strong/smart/stubborn/caring/insert-any-number-of-adjectives-here son. Saying that any one of those words is me "defining" or "labeling" my child overly simplistic to me. It says that of ALL the words I choose to describe my son as, that one phrase is the one that carries the most weight. I disagree. ADHD and ODD is a part of who he is, and it will be a part of his story for the rest of his life. But it won't be the WHOLE story.

If I'm defining my child, I hope I'm defining him by teaching him values like honesty, empathy, responsibility, and integrity. If I'm assigning labels to him, I hope the labels he grows up with are "leader" and "friend". He won't accomplish these things in spite of ADHD or ODD - if I do my job right he should accomplish these things regardless of his special needs or behavioral issues. I certainly have to apply different techniques to teaching these life skills to him because of his conditions, but if Sam were to fail in any of these areas (he won't) it would be a reflection of me, and not of him.

I don't avoid the term ADHD. We no longer tiptoe around saying "ODD" in our home. Jack and Sam know exactly what it stands for, and all 4 of us have conversations about what it means to our family. If it's not a bad word at home, it won't be a bad word out in the real world. If we teach our boys that it's nothing to be ashamed of, they won't be ashamed of it. Shame = bad. Awareness = good. If it's part of our everyday conversation, I hope that Sam's response if someone brings it up at school is, "Yeah. So?" (Hopefully in a very polite way. We'll work on that...)